LitStack Flash Fiction Challenge #9
It's been a few months since my last post. You could say that I've been otherwise occupied--but I won't bore you with the details. Not today, anyway. The wonderful people at Litstack have put up a new flash fiction challenge, and I just could not resist. Plus, it's Labor Day and I'm taking a bit of time just for myself. My draft, which I began about two hours ago, was almost 700 words. Whittling it down was tough when I reached 560, but I finally made it (with small breaks for iced coffee and email) to exactly 500. I hope you enjoy it.
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The gap between the door and the top of the crooked
doorframe gave Abby a narrow view of the backyard. She could see the rear of
the baby blue Toyota that had brought her to this place. When she was nine or
ten, her dad had let her steer their Impala up and down the driveway, but that
was the end of her experience behind the wheel. She was sure she could figure
it out, though. Pretty sure.
An electric lantern provided most of the light in the room,
but in the early daytime the gap in the door let in a sunbeam. It ended on the
wall just above Jeremiah’s shoulder as he slept on his cot. The man who made
her call him Father would likely still be sleeping too. He’d been up all night,
and while he’d had the presence of mind to take his empty vodka bottle when he
stumbled out, he’d been sloppy refastening the fetter around her ankle. He’d
also left his keys. She’d heard the heavy ring fall out of his pants during
last night’s visit, but he hadn’t noticed. She found a skeleton key for the
door to their shelter and one marked Toyota. No more visits or sore ankles.
The boy was only five, but sometimes she saw a familiar
meanness that turned his eyes from pond water to gravel. There was plenty of
time for him to forget. But the next child, she vowed, would never see this
place. On tiptoe, she scanned the backyard for movement. The tall weeds swayed
in the breeze. There was no sign of Father or Mother. The doorknob squeaked as
she turned it. Jeremiah coughed and sat up. “Mama?”
“Baby, we’re going to run across the grass. Can you do
that?” She smiled at him fearfully.
“Now?”
“Yes, right now. Are you ready? You must be quiet.”
“A game?” he asked, rubbing his eyelids.
“Yes, a game. Who can run the quietest. Let’s go.”
He got up and took her hand as she pulled the door inward. Jeremiah screamed when the sunlight hit
his face and body. “Baby, we have to go!” she whispered frantically, yanking his
arm. The car was only a dozen yards away. She picked him up, but he flailed and
kneed her hard in the stomach, still screaming. Gasping, she dropped him against
the door. Glancing toward the big house, she saw the screen door open. The Toyota
key ready in her right hand, she dragged Jeremiah a few feet, but Father was near
enough that she could see rage on his face.
She let go of the boy’s hand, backing away. “I’ll come back
for you!”
“I don’t care!” he screamed, his tears dripping onto the ground.
She ran, something she hadn’t done in eight years, and found
the Toyota’s door unlocked. She shoved the key into the ignition and turned. As
Father banged his fist on the hood, she shifted into D and stomped on the right
pedal.
Great story- was holding my breath! and hollering "run, Abby, run"!
ReplyDeleteWhew! Heckuva story! You managed to build a novel's worth of tension in just a few paragraphs. Shudder-inducing. Glad she got away, but worried about her son...
ReplyDelete